I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize