I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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