its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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