Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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