Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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