Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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