please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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