I hate your face
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
