were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
