while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Boobs are out for the taking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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