Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
