don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
