he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
