what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
