No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
