watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
