ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
