i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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