Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
