if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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