i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
