So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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