if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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