you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.