you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dignity is for republicans.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great