u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.