my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
