EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
