i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
