Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
