I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No subtext here. People are naked.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
