Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
