I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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