i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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