just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
a search helicopter?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
