You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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