he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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