so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it glows. i had to have it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
