i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
