I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
