She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
