you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
