he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
