It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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