i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
