Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Apparently you make a good broom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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