I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
