Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
