What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
