there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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