Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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