My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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