Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
