you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize