quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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