You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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