i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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