you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
