I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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