Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
