im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
