I wish my penis had an off switch
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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