Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
