mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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